Steve Wellens' Joke Page

Thigh Slappers

Did you hear about the fire in the clock factory?
There was a lot of second hand smoke.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

Two cannibals were eating a clown.
One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Original golf lines

Contrary to popular belief, I CAN hit the ball out of my own shadow...between 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM.

His swing is like a trophy's pretty but it doesn't work.

How was your round?

Original jokes (Really! I used Google to search! Acutally, I've been using DuckDuckGo.)

Q) Why didn't the pony give his speech?
A) He was a little hoarse!

Q) What did the cyclops say to his girlfriend?
A) I only have eye for you!

Why is wool itchy....but you never see sheep scratching themselves?

Knock Knock jokes for kids (admit it, you like 'em too)

Knock Knock
whos there?
police who?
police pass me the spoon

Who's there?
Aware who?
Aware, aware have my little sheep gone?

Who's there?
Chimney who?
Chimney cricket! Have you seen Pinocchio?

knock knock.
who's there?
cows go.
cows go who.
cows don't go who they go moo.

Knock Knock
Who's There?
nunya who?
nunya business

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Kook Who?
You know, you have a real future in Swiss clocks

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Tail Who?
Tail all your friends this joke

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Ima Who?
What's a who?

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Otto Who?
Otto know i can't remember

Knock Knock
Who's There?
pea Who?
pea you, you smell!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Dishes Who?
Dishes the FBI, open up

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Amanda Who?
A man dat wants to give you a big hug!

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Anita Who?
Anita a great big hug

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Lettuce Who?
Lettuce in it is cold out here

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Who Who?
Oh no there's an owl in the house!

Puns and more puns

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

My friend David had his ID stolen. Now he's just Dav.

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

The reason why kleptomaniacs don't understand puns is because: They always take things literally.

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

Just so everyoneís clear, Iím going to put my glasses on.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

When I told my contractor I didnít want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, itís a whole sentence.

What do you say to comfort a friend whoís struggling with grammar? There, their, theyíre.

Iím trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

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